Eat your veggies.

This morning there was a segment on Good Morning America about the new OTC weight loss pill, "alli". They talked about all the wonderful benefits of this drug, and then had health expert, Dr. Tim Johnson, come in and explain the risks. Because I wanted to make sure I heard him correctly, I went to myalli.com. Here's a sample of what I found:

• Follow a well-balanced, reduced-calorie, low-fat diet. Try starting this diet before taking alli capsules.
• alli capsules work by preventing the absorption of some of the fat you eat. The fat passes out of your body so you may have bowel changes. You may get:
  - gas with oily spotting
  - loose stools
  - more frequent stools that may be hard to control
• Eating a low-fat diet lowers the chance of having these bowel changes

Oh. My. God. Why would ANYONE take this drug?!? First of all, what the F is "gas with oily spotting"??? Actually, I don't want to know. I pray I never know.

Second, "more frequent stools that may be hard to control"? What do they mean by "hard to control"? Does it end up on the wall? A dump isn't an unruly child, people. There shouldn't be any controlling involved. But I guess, based on the "loose stools" mention, they mean you'll be prone to crapping your pants?

What kills me about this though, isn't that you're inevitably going to blow out your colon taking this medicine. What kills me are the first and last bullets. "Follow a well-balanced, reduced-calorie, low-fat diet." Um, last time I checked, a well-balanced, reduced-calorie, low-fat diet LEADS to WEIGHT LOSS. So what the hell is the point of the pill???

That seems to be answered in the last bullet. "Eating a low-fat diet lowers the chance of having these bowel changes." Right. So apparently, folks, the only way we can get people in this country to eat healthy is if we threaten them with the most heinous GI issues imaginable. At that point, what good is being skinny if you have to wear galoshes and a raincoat everyday in case things get, shall we say, out of control? And that's assuming you can even leave the house, and aren't bedridden on rubber sheets.

Thanks, but I'll keep my fat ass, if it means I get to keep my colon.