Sunday, June 21, 2009


Obviously I haven't blogged in quite some time. The surface reason for this is that I've spent a lot of time since my last blog in a bed, either recovering from back surgery or trying to prevent it. This blog has been dedicated largely to funny happenings of my day-to-day, and truthfully, there just hasn't been that much funny going on. I had surgery, my brother-in-law almost died, I ruptured a new disc and my grandmother had a heart attack. None of that is funny.

Which leads me to the real reason I'm retiring this blog - I don't FEEL funny right now. And I write what I feel.

When things turn around, and I have something more interesting to write about than how my sheets feel today, I might pick it back up. But for now, vaya con nachos.


Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Omegle, Omyoh.

Even though it will be completely obvious I'm stoned when I get to my topic this evening, I would like to preface this entry with the caveat that I am currently laid up awaiting back surgery and on fairly heavy pain meds.

That said, a friend introduced me to a site called today. There is no point to this site aside from chatting with strangers. That's it. And given I'm more or less stuck in a bed and hopped up on pain pills, I knew this would be entertaining. And oh my, has it ever delivered.

I love talking to strangers. I love sitting at the bar in restaurants by myself for that exact purpose. I love chatting with people on planes. But all of that is done in PERSON. It's a whole different world when you're talking to strangers in cyberspace and have no interest in discussing what you're wearing.

Most everyone hung up on me when I wouldn't tell them where I live. Others hung up as soon as they found out I'm not the person they'd been chatting with before. "AJ?" one asked. "Nope," I wrote back. *click* One hung up on me after I confessed I was neither naked, nor Asian. Another guy (or I'm presuming it was a guy), didn't even bother with "hello", preferring instead to great me with a friendly "I'm horny." His honesty was certainly appreciated, but after wishing him luck with that, I hung up on him.

The beauty of this thing is that you can immediately start a new conversation with someone else. I made it my goal to have one normal conversation and eventually succeeded with some kid in Argentina. We discussed music, his interest in studying film in Buenos Aires, I gave him some career advice and we exchanged restaurant recommendations. After a few minutes, though, I got a notice that our conversation had "asploded"...a word I would have associated with bathroom activities, but apparently it applies to internet activities.

But no matter. The entire evening was worth it simply for the exchange below:

Sweet, isn't it?

Friday, March 20, 2009

A gutter ball of a statement.

So, last night, Obama was on Leno and today, all of cyberspace is up in arms about Obama comparing his bowling score of 129 to the Special Olympics. People found this offensive to the Special Olympics, and I can see why. If you're going to make a tasteless analogy, at least make it an accurate one. I attended a Special Olympics bowling tournament just a few weeks ago. (Further proof I don't have a lump of coal for a heart...) And, while none of the participants could give you their thoughts on capital gains taxes, I promise you every one of them bowled higher than a 129. I peronally think a man with no arms could bowl higher than 129 just by kicking the ball down the lane.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Beef stew: the Breakfast of Champions

Anyone that knows me knows I eat breakfast every single day. But a day will come when I won't. And the day I get no mo' Cheerios, will be a sad, sad day FOR ALL OF YOU.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Sorry, I don't speak Crazy. (Or Chinese.)

I will give $100 to the first person that translates this video for me...

My grandmother is adorable.

*answering the phone*

"Hey Gigi, are you okay?"

"Hi love! Yeah, I'm fine..."

"Well, I saw you called earlier today, so thought maybe something was wrong."

"Oh, no! Everything's great. Just wanted to make sure you weren't hit by that fireball this weekend. Looks like it shot RIGHT over you!"

"Ah, well, no, I'm okay."

"Good, love. I'm so glad to hear that. Thought it might have shook the ground if nothing else!"

"Nope, everything was fine."

"Okay, well, I'm heading to bed..."

"At 6:45?"

"This old lady gets TIRED sometimes! Haha..."

"Well, thanks for calling, and love you. Sleep tight."

"You too, love, and so. so. glad you weren't hit by that fireball!"

*Picture of "fireball" over Austin, February 15th