Badvertising

As someone in the advertising profession, I don't tivo through commercials. I actually watch them. And every now and then I see things I consider "badvertising". Such was the case when I saw a commercial from Cold Stone Creamery's new campaign.

Here's what happens in the commercial:

Bigfoot walks up to a Cold Stone Creamery. Inside the store are a hunter, sasquatch enthusiast, and a Brazilian bikini waxer. And then Bigfoot has to decide whether or not his love of Cold Stone's ice cream is enough for him to conquer his fear of the other things inside.


What. the. hell. I swear to God, I thought someone had slipped me acid when I first saw this thing. I should be clear that I'm all for wacky commercials. But I hate wacky for the sake of wacky, which is just what this is. In fact, I'm convinced this campaign was created just to win a bet.


"Okay, first person to create a spot that features a mascot, a midget, or a monkey gets $100."

"Dude, can a sasquatch count for a mascot?"

Here's what I don't want to think about when I'm considering ice cream:

1. A mythical beast covered in fur. You know that thing sheds, and I'm not about to risk taking a bite of cookies 'n' cream with a long, curly sasquatch hair sitting on top of the spoon. Lesson from the school cafeteria: It doesn't get any nastier than hair in your food.

2. A man with a gun. I don't regularly see men with guns, so I'd probably piss myself out of fright. And who can enjoy ice cream when you're sitting in a pool of urine.

3. A sasquatch enthusiast. Enthusiasts of anything bug the shit out of me.

4. A Brazilian bikini waxer. Just the thought of this makes my knees slam together. And anyone that would put a bikini waxer in a commercial hoping to actually SELL something clearly hasn't been waxed. And they most certainly haven't had a Brazilian. Because if they had, they'd realize that the MENTION of a Brazilian would replace any woman's thoughts with thoughts of fear, dread and excruciating pain. And these ass holes have gone so far as to actually dramatize this idea by having this character hold what looks to be a rusty paint can with "WAX" in bold letters across the side, while she slaps at it with a stick.

Here's my own little wager: The first chick that can sit through this commercial, not cover her crotch protectively, but instead suggest the gang go out for ice cream wins $100.