VMAs 2007

A summary of the 2007 Video Music Awards: Chris Brown meant it. Britney didn't.

First, Britney. I feel the need to begin this commentary with the classic Texas cut-down: Bless. her. heart. Admittedly, I was shocked she actually followed through with her commitment to appear. I was even more shocked she followed through after seeing her. Um, I mean after seeing her performance. I wouldn't have thought it possible to be lackluster at the VMAs, but Britney proved me wrong last night. The "Chocolate Rain" dude would have opened the VMAs with more energy and entertainment value than what I saw last night. And I'm not gonna crawl the catwalks of Milan anytime soon; BUT, I will still say that unless you're Demi Moore in Charlie's Angels 2, you have no business parading around in a black bikini if you've given birth. Much less with a bad weave. Good. lord.

Now, as for my boy Chris Brown, I'm not sure I've ever seen anything quite like that. Admittedly, I'm partial to Chris as he appeared in the greatest piece of cinema ever - Stomp the Yard. But there's no denying he danced for his supper last night. That Charlie Chaplin stuff was crazy, then hopping around like a mental patient, leaping from one lit up lily pad to another - absolutely off the hook. And when I thought it couldn't get better, Rihanna showed up with her Umbrella-ella-ella-ella, joined Chris and just sexed the place right up. And the seamless transition from that to "Billie Jean"? Let's just say I'm shocked I didn't soil myself right then and there, because despite the mad heckling I've received over the years for this, "Thriller" is, AND WILL CONTINUE TO BE, my favorite album of all time.

The sad thing is, Britney used to be capable of equally riveting stuff. Which makes me think a good commercial would be replacing those eggs with Britneys previous VMAs performances juxtaposed against last night's show for a "This is your brain, this is your brain on drugs"-type message. (There's a reason I'm in advertising, kids.)