Mr. 86.

I will still claim I had the worst first date ever. But my friend Roslyn has officially won the worst SECOND date award.

Her sister had met this guy and proceeded to set Ros up with him. Their first date was bad. For starters, he took her to the Cheesedick Factory. He then proceeded to text throughout the meal, so much so that Ros texted him, "Stop texting. You're on a date." (This is why we are friends.) He apologized, said his cousin was in the hospital, obviously the date wasn't going well, and could they try it again. Ros was ready to throw him on the scrapheap. Instead, she gave him a second chance upon the advice of her dear friend who coincidentally happened to be sitting in the booth next to her at dinner and watched the whole thing unfold.

This advice, while well-meaning, lead to the disaster below.

He began their second date by asking Ros where she was from.

"Houston."

"I hate Houston."

"And why is that."

"I don't know."

"Well, you can't say you hate something without having a reason."

"Yes I can."

"Fine."

"I prefer Dallas."

"I hate Dallas."

And then he mocked her and said, "Why do you hate Dallas? You know you can't hate something without a reason."

"I think it's materialistic."

"Well, you drive a BMW."

"Yes, because it gets me from A to B. That, and not because I'm trying to make a statement, is why I drive a BMW."

"If I were spending that kind of money, I'd buy another Corvette. I used to have a Corvette."

Okay, first of all, I don't trust anyone that would put that kind of money into what is, in my opinion, a "fancy" Camaro. Ros agreed and mentioned that "used to" was the theme of the evening. He used to drive a Corvette, used to have a motorcycle, used to own a home, etc. "Um, who wants to date the mother-fucking 'used to' guy? I want to date the has guy. Just as long as it's not a Camaro." Again, this is why we're friends.

She told him she was in advertising, and he asked what specifically she did. When she responded that she was an Account Manager, he replied, "Sounds like a secretary to me."

This made me laugh. But not as hard as Ros did when she told me her response. "Really," she said calmly, "And this coming from a man who works at Rooms To Fuckin' Go? Oh, and why do I know you work there? Because you're wearing a shirt that says 'Rooms To Fuckin' Go'."

Fantastic.

Right after her retort, his second cell phone rang, prompting Ros to give him a WTF look. "Oh yeah," he bragged, "I have a second cell phone." Then he followed that with, "You have to graduate to get this number."

I love this guy.

Ros shot back, "Then consider me a drop out," and went home. Of course he texted her the next day asking how her day was going. Could he be more predictable?

Hoping something was redeemable about this date, I asked if he was at least good-looking.

"He was okay," she sighed, "But he was light-skinned, and you know that shit went out with El DeBarge in '86."

The Camaro-lovin' Used-To Guy: Out in '86, and 86'ed in '07.