Moderation is key.

I have a friend that's a model. She has always told me those girls swear by Preparation H when it comes to de-puffing eyes. Now, my face isn't the first place I'd want to put butt paste, but who am I to argue with a top supermodel. Which is how I got into my latest predicament.

A sushi dinner combined with tears over a boy, and puffy eyes were guaranteed. As with all facial products, I tend to go overboard with things and the Preparation H was no exception. Before going to bed, I took out the tube and smeared about a quarter-sized amount all over my eyes. I woke up around 3am and decided I'd put some more on just for good measure. Then, when I woke up again at 6am, I figured it would be worth putting just a little more on to seep in while I made my breakfast and watched the news.

Here's the problem with putting half a tube of hemorrhoid cream on your eyes: It makes it damn near impossible to blink. While my eyes were definitely not puffy, I spent all day looking like a Philippine tarsier.


A word to the wise, kiddies.

Bernice Crowley

Each time I watch Candy Crowley (political correspondent on CNN) I'm reminded of that episode of Designing Women where Bernice gets a nose job and ends up looking like a pig. But maybe that's just me?